I feel suffocated. Like I seriously can not breathe right now, yet I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs, “WHEN WILL I GET TO WORK IN MY CRAFT?!!!!!!!!!” My God. How much patience does one have to have? I’m so fed up with everything and everyone right now. I deserve better. Yes I do. I’ve promoted people and products that I actually believe in for free, with the belief that if you do good for people that good will come back to you.
I want to audition. Now.
Not for a part as a hooker, or a drug addict. Not for a stereotypical, Aunt Jemima finger snapping, head twisting urban role. I want to audition for a part that has multiple dimensions. I want to breathe……life……into…..a….script. I’m sick of Hollywood and the quasi whatevers. How about YOU PEOPLE give someone with training and passion a chance to audition for a part that means something? Politics suck. You email someone as a follow up and they never respond. How about YOU PEOPLE keep it real and say thank you but don’t expect an answer because I don’t respond to my emails. That is way more truthful and respectable than just simply not answering.
I can not breathe. Its like I’m having a panic attack 24/7. I left the country 2 weeks ago just so that I COULD BREATHE. and I did……I was breathing so well. So relaxed. You know why? Because, although I wasn’t in ANY OF THE FILMS that were showing, I was around the film makers, directors, producers and actors that created the body of works that ultimately became part of the film festival. I HAD TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY, just to network with people in my craft. I nearly cried on the plane back to Los Angeles. You know why? Because I had to go BACK to a 9-5. Back to a life where I’m struggling just to maintain focus of my dream. To maintain focus. To maintain.
Where is this road leading to? I know where. To an Oscar, an Academy Award. That is EXACTLY where I’m headed. I just wanted to document the struggle in the meantime.
Maybe a producer will come across my blog and say, you know what? This girl Anji is fearless. I want HER in the next project that I produce. I want untapped talent, raw and UN-manipulated talent.
Talent that is willing to GO the distance.
I feel suffocated and I can’t breathe. I need to spread my wings and fly.