Disappearing Acts….AKA…Mr. UnAvailable….AKA….Mr. M.I.A.!


 

 

 

This one is for all my Girlz!…..and all my guys who wanna know what women really think!

Aiight yall…since we are up to speed on my career hustle, let’s get to the DRAMA!!!!!  Cuz you know I keep a little! And I know you’ve been waitin’!

 
So, I am going to keep it 100% with yall….I had a little boo I was crushing on hard….but it didn’t work out.  

If you follow me on Twitter @AnjiRay or on Facebook/anjiray I’m quite certain that you’ve read a couple of my little “Love-Gone-Blind-Posts”.

BUT…..Before I get into the nitty, gritty…let me make this disclaimer:

This is by NO MEANS a man-hating, women-thou-art-scorned, male-bashing post.  This is in fact how I decompress and get my point across in plain ole’ BLACK N’ WHITE, while maybe helping other women who may be going through the same thing.

 
So, here’s the skinny….
He was good on paper, REAL GOOD:
FINE, EDUCATED, CHARMING, FUNNY, BUSINESS-MINDED, INDUSTRY, & MOTIVATED.  These were some of the quality characteristics of what I prayed in a potential mate.

BUT……

IT was ALL SMOKE N’ MIRRORS….

Hol’ up….hol’ up….hol up……hol up…..…..

“Anji, REPEAT all that again?”

Uh, uhhhhh….yall read it correctly.  SMOKE N’ MIRRORS!

We 1st met on January 28th, 2011….. I just thought he was a cool cat….you know?

…..a lil dude that you hang out with (Not on a sexual level) but someone to talk, laugh, and basically just cut up with.  

I had ZERO clue that he was pursuing me.  #Blindsided

I was not actively “Looking For A Man”.  I date and have been dating, so ladies we know when someone is trying to holla.  

It wasn’t like that with this one.

We never had an un-pleasurable moment together…..just many apart.

Oh…YALL..let me keep this ONE HUNDRED…..

I didn’t realize that dude was even trying to get at me like that until…..one time we were kickin’ it and “The Kiss” happened.

Prior to, we had never been out on a date…..not once…
(UNLESS YOU COUNT #FATBURGER, WHICH I MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT)

….no walks in the park or along the beach…
….no hiking to Runyon Canyon…
…NO WEEKLY PHONE CONVERSATIONS….
NO NADA……

Like I said, just chillin at my spot or his…..because I wasn’t looking at him like that….at all.

Once “THE KISS” happened…..Mr. Dream Guy turned into….Mr. Disappearing Acts….

Month 3 or 4…….

Ladies, he started making #UNANNOUNCED VISITS, or as he would like to call them #SPONTANEOUS visits after months or weeks of no contact…
His excuse?…..I need to get my “Anji Fix”…

All the “I missed yous”…..
And the “I don’t know what I want but girl, you just got a piece of my heart”…..
…claiming he loved me…(Note:  Not IN LOVE….)
….claiming I got a piece of his heart….Yall, he was just doing…..THE MOST!

Time for the “Talk”…..

We had a conversation…

I CLEARLY stated what I wanted, which is ultimately to be married & have a family…..meaning I would need to be in a committed relationship….meaning that you would have to be AVAILABLE in order for anything to ensue.  

He stated that he wasn’t “ready” for a relationship……

Cool….

I stated that I’m glad we both understood each other’s position and that NOTHING is going to materialize beyond this friendship.  

I kept it open and real with him ……
&

 THE DRAMA BEGINS….

He begins to say things that would lead me to believe that he has envisioned a future with me…..Now he says he’s ready for a relationship…..as we lay in bed, cuddling.
he holds me close to him….I know his breathing patterns
….He sleeps sexy
….He IS sexy….Charming…Gentle….
I feel safe with him….it feels right……
I’m falling for him…….

But then, he disappears….

“Forgets” to call me on my birthday….which he states is the same day as his mother’s…..

I’ll let that one sink in….

Month 7…..

 
He would call and say he’s coming over…
AND never did…
No “I’m sorry” phone call…..zero explanations….finally….
He says…..
“I’ve been really busy”.
it becomes his habit……
It becomes my fault….
for allowing him to do this to me.

All in all, this guy didn’t appear to be a liar or a manipulator or sketchy or any of that…..

He appeared to be a……..

Mystery…..

He appeared to have a girlfriend, wife, or a multitude of lady friends.  He told me he was “seeing” someone else, not seriously….but not DATING anyone, which I translated into #SCREWING because he MOST DEF. wasn’t getting it over here.

But he still kept coming around……

Month 8…….

Like I said, this “thing” was not by any means sexual beyond kissing….he never tried me…..and I never got the vibe that he was on the #DownLow or shoot for that matter flat out gay!
But he was a mystery and THAT was a #MAJOR RED FLAG!

We as ladies shouldn’t have to teach men manners, that should be #automatic.  
We shouldn’t have to complain and get upset over being stood up < ——— that should NEVER EVER happen to begin with.

We are emotional creatures and we think with our hearts.  We continuously give men chance upon chance to redeem themselves. Creating a plethora of excuses for them full of  “could’ve’s ” & “would’ves” BUT Ain’t’S!  
I’m not into stereotyping men or saying every man is a liar or a dog, because I just don’t believe that.  

I loved him….

But I LOVE myself more.

We as ladies MUST demand R.E.S.P.E.C.T. from men….Hold them #accountable to their word.  If they cannot take our words seriously and casually make US AN “OPTION”, then why on Earth do we make them a “PRIORITY”?!
This is the very definition of insanity….doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results!  

Ladies, ladies, ladies, I learned so much from this “CHAOS EXPERIMENT”…BTW..#google that movie….IT IS THE WORST FILM EVER MADE AFTER “TITANIC II”.

I digress….

I have wasted more breath on explaining to this man, what I like and don’t like, just to be BLATANTLY ignored and emotionally taken advantage of.  He played on my innate weakness of wanting a family, and giving me false hopes, by Yo-Yo’ing back and forth between wanting to be in a relationship, being too busy, and/or  not ready.  

#NotTheBusiness.

These are all B.S. excuses because, if a man wants to be with a woman…

He…..WILL….MAKE…..TIME.
POINT __Blank___PERIOD

If a man REALLY, REALLY wants to be with you….

HE WILL COURT YOU….
DATE YOU….
GET TO KNOW YOU…..

 

Become your best friend…Let you meet his friends,  his family…….because ultimately, in every “potential long-term relationship” that is the ultimate goal.

Oh….

&
Ladies….

Money IS NEVER AN ISSUE!
Why should it be? Validating a man doesn’t require funds…being validated doesn’t require funds.  Are you in it for the money or for the substantial emotional and spiritual connection?  I hope it’s for the latter.  Being around someone doesn’t require money, especially if that man is on the path to success, but just hasn’t reaped the profits yet.  Like I said….
Walks are FREE….
Phone calls are FREE…
HELL…….
NATURE is FREE….You get my drift.

MONTH 9……..

So, if you are hearing the followin’…and…… GIRLFRIEND……… DO NOT FALL for it, like your’s truly did:

“Baby, my money ain’t right…and I know I gotta come correct if I’m trying to be with you..because, that’s just the type of guy I am…I want to give you everything..and share everything with you….I’m trying to get my self together….but I do love you……

I’m just…… not……. ready yet…”

My ANALYSIS:  
Why can’t we do this thing together?  Why can’t I be your ride or die chick? Your #1 Fan?

If a man has time to go clubbing with his boys, hiking with whoever, going out to the movies, & just have a Plain Ole’ good time #socializing with everyone
…BUT……..
…YOU……..
THEN….IT IS TIME TO CLOSE THE CURTAINS ON THAT ACT!  

MY SOLUTION:
#UNFOLLOW , #DELETE#, #UNFRIEND


——————————————————————————————-
As an up note and in closing:

God created man to RULE the Earth & everything in it….including us ladies!  That is not to say we are not supposed to be independent individuals, but we should be submissive to the wants of the men in our lives, IF they are for a good cause by being supportive, congratulating and encouraging.  

So, I still believe in love and I THANK GOD THAT HE SHOWED ME….
HIS….True….Colors…..SHININ’…..THROUGH!

Thnx for reading & I welcome all comments & questions……

“Never make someone a priority if YOU are an OPTION.” ~Anonymous

Stay Blessed & Stay Grindin’
xoxoxo
Anji Ray

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About Anji Ray

Anji Ray: An*jee Rey -noun Panamanian Princesa. A force. A lover. A Fighter. 5-Star. Trained. Classy. Ready. Actor. Groundling In Training. Facebook.com/anjirayproductions
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5 Responses to Disappearing Acts….AKA…Mr. UnAvailable….AKA….Mr. M.I.A.!

  1. Lennie Ross says:

    Good on paper is only ever worth the value of the paper. Unless he wrote his bio on hundred dollar bills! Good post, but I found it little long.

  2. Anji Ray says:

    Thank you Lennie for the read….I’ll make it shorter in the future…just had to get some things off my chest! Hey Guys check out Lennie Ross’s new Novel “Blow Me”! Totally L.A. to the letter!

  3. BmoDeSTy says:

    Ladies PLEASE TAKE HEED!!!

  4. Thanks for sharing this. I could relate your experience so well because it reminded of my a situation I had with a man who said he was interested in me but his behavior didn’t show it. I told him a few times that I wasn’t going to chase him and beg for his attention and when that didn’t work, I put him on ignore. I later got the chance to let him know how I felt about what he did.

    • Anji Ray says:

      I am so glad that this was able to help you lady bug. You know, at the time I was writing that blog, I was really hurt by this guy, but the saying is true, “Time Heals All”….we are royalty and should be treated as such. People ultimately just want to be loved. I stay away from negativity and if it feels iffy….POOF…I’m outta there! lol….thanks for reading lady bug! xoxo Anji Ray

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